As your parents get older, their needs tend to increase. Children, now adults, are very rarely well prepared for the care of their parents. They sometimes lack time, space or resources or are simply caught off guard since they thought they had a few more years before them before meeting these new needs. There are a few tips to help you overcome this challenge optimally.
Table of Contents
Listening
Basic advice, but so important. When taking care of your parents, it is important to listen to their needs and wants. Take the time to discuss the situation with them and see the options available to them. Do they want to stay at home? Would they like you to search for retirement homes? It is important to see their vision for the future and their loss of autonomy which will inevitably evolve.
Then, it is also very important that you listen to the changing needs of your parents. You may experience loss of appetite or weight loss. If this is the case, you will need to remedy the problem by offering your parent’s vitamin supplements or meal replacements which will avoid more serious consequences.
Ensuring Safety
After 60 years of age, older people are more at risk of falling, which can cause serious complications, sometimes leading to death. Take the time to reconfigure your parents’ home to ensure that there is sufficient lighting in each room, that there are no carpets without non-slip and that no furniture clogs the corridors. If you are unable to stay with your parents at all times, certain technologies allow quick contact with a call center or directly with you, in the event of an accident. If your parents feel more vulnerable to unwanted individuals, do not hesitate to install a few security cameras around their home.
Control Visits
There is no question of family visits here! Rather, it is to ensure that your parents will be present at all their health-related meetings. Some seniors show great reluctance when it comes to medical follow-ups. You will have to be patient and try to understand where this negative feeling comes from. Also, make sure your parents don’t forget to take their medication. If so, don’t hesitate to buy them a daily pill box. They will be able to be diligent about their medication.
Caregiver
Everyone happens to think of themselves as a superhero, one day or another, capable of accomplishing everything. Unfortunately, this is not reality. It sometimes happens that with the weight of work, family and the care of your parents, you experience great exhaustion. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from a caregiver, such as berserk. Involve your parents in choosing the person who will help them daily. This alternative will allow your parents to stay at home while being supported by a professional.
Parents’ Problems In Old Age
Many elderly people find it difficult to become aware of and admit that their mental and physical capabilities have reduced. The reasons for this may be that it hurts them to be a burden to others or that they defend themselves physically and mentally. They want to continue driving even though their responsiveness is slow and their visual acuity is weakened. It’s better to ask x times than to choose a hearing aid. Instead of using the rollator, they accept a fall. They vehemently reject the support offered. From the outside, you can understand that it is difficult for parents to make more and more compromises in their freedom of movement. Nobody wants to need help and give up control. We want to continue what we are used to in life and what gives us security until the end of our days. A positive aspect of the denial is that the parents do not want to retire to bed, but want to actively participate in life.
Another reason for refusing help can also be developing dementia, which makes it no longer possible for those affected to think about their behavior and to consciously adapt to changes. In addition to not wanting to admit the weaknesses, there is another variant. Because of their insecurity, some parents want their children to be supported in all situations. They call the children several times a day and expect them to take care of them immediately and intensively, or perhaps even take them in at home. They have less confidence than they can do and are constantly sending calls for help.
You should sit down with your parents early on and talk about the future. What if your parents can no longer take care of themselves? What if a serious physical illness prevents them from performing everyday tasks?
Medical Attention
How could the supply look like? How do your parents imagine their care? What is your parents’ financial situation? What can you and your parents do together? How much time can you spend on care? What share can your siblings take on? Talk about what the best solution might be for you and your parents, even if you may initially be skeptical about having such a conversation. Such a conversation does not mean that you expect your parents to die soon. If the ideas are very different, then you should think about what a compromise could look like. For example, there are other alternatives between living alone, living at home and moving in with the children: domestic help, an unskilled fee who lives with the parents, a nursing service, permanent care by a nursing service, eating on wheels, a supervised residential complex, one Senior citizens’ community, a dementia community, etc.
If your parents already need support, then you should find out what help options are available. For example, you can get advice about barrier-free living, a house emergency call, fall prophylaxis, care aids, daycare, care help services, short-term care, care allowance.
Be Clear About The Expectations.
Be clear about what you can offer and where your stress limits are. Only if you have a plan then you can formulate clear alternative solutions for your parents. If you have siblings, include them. Agree with your siblings before a conversation with your parents’ which solutions you can offer the parents. The financial issue also needs to be discussed. Make it clear that you cannot bear all responsibility and burden on your own. Discuss with your partner what will change in the family. The increased help for your parents will also affect your own family more or less. Therefore, ask for your consent and support. Have conversations with your parents about the help options. Make sure that you treat them with respect and not like young children. They want to show them how to live more safely and how to make their situation easier. Speak of your concern that something is happening to the parents and not that they can no longer do it alone. Ask how you can relieve them. Expect to have several conversations about this with the parents and slowly introduce them to a decision. Avoid deciding for your parents if possible. Try to be patient and let them choose between different alternatives. Be persistent, even if the parents initially resist any help. Make it clear what you and your family can do.
Conclusion
The parents have choices, but things cannot go on as they are now. Sometimes it makes sense to make an appointment with a parent at an advice center for the elderly. It might be easier for your parents to take outside advice than from you as a child. Let your parents take responsibility as long as it’s not about their protection and security.