A break-up or divorce can feel devastating. Relationships ending in divorce can produce a negative emotional effect on one’s life and can result in questions being asked about your capability of creating a lasting relationship.
This effect is amplified even further when you actually thought you had the perfect relationship
Also, based on the circumstances that resulted in you filing for divorce, it can really wreck a person’s own self-confidence, and implant a seed of mistrust – in future partners and in yourself – which can impair future relationships.
Here are 6 tips for dealing with it after feeling like you had the perfect relationship.
Table of Contents
Take your Time
The aftermath of the divorce ought to be a time of serious reassessment and coming to terms with your feelings. Some people overlook this crucial action and rush into dating again simply to run away from the void of loneliness.
Not only does this lead to a potential wrecking of the new relationship, it’s additionally damaging to the recently divorced person because they are still living in a state of denial that may undermine every other relationship.
This will inevitably result in an insufficient self-confidence in themselves which is never a good place to enter into any relationship (this is where the term “emotional baggage” comes from).
Look within yourself and take responsibility
To begin on the path to recovery after a divorce, try to look for exactly what went wrong that may have led to and produced the divorce.
One should especially bear in mind their contribution to this happening to learn from their errors, so that they are not repeated in future relationships.
You may not feel you did anything wrong and this could be true, but taking responsibility for your part in the divorce is a positive place to come from.
It can help you grow and let go of any resentment you hold.
Allow yourself to feel what you feel
It’s also crucial to take some time to grieve if you’re feeling sad and move on in your own time, rather than just shoving it under the carpet and trying to force moving on. You’re a human with emotions – don’t beat yourself up for feeling a wide range of them.
Forgive Yourself and Your Ex
This leads to the next important issue. Forgiving oneself and your ex-husband is crucial to healing.
After a divorce it’s required that you eventually relinquish yourself of self-pity and all loathing and resentment directed against yourself and your past spouse.
Get Help
If you need to, seek counseling. It is likely to help and make the process easier to deal with. You should never feel shame for asking for help.
A support system can be so important for dealing with your feelings. In either case, the forgiveness path needs to be crossed for both of you to move on and be happy.
Re-build your Trust
Trust will also be required to be re-built, even if the divorce didn’t end in adultery. Divorced individuals may not only have to figure out how to trust a partner (particularly if the divorce was caused by one partner’s cheating), but also to trust themselves again, especially if you’re being overly harsh on yourself for not picking a better partner.
Know that all individuals are not the same and therefore won’t have the same character traits. Just be sure to keep an open-mind for your next partner – they won’t deserve to constantly be compared to your ex.
You’ll be much happier if you give them, and yourself, the clean slate you both deserve.